I admit it

Ok.

As much as I hate to admit it out loud, there is one thing that I know I will miss tonight. And it is the nightly bedtime routine with my toddler.

Benjamin is sleeping at his grandparents' house tonight and tomorrow night.
Hubby is out of town overnight someplace in the northeastern USA.

Only Rusty is here keeping me company.

So tonight I will have no toddler to tend to.

Which is the strange part...I get to sit in front of the tv and eat dinner, watch a useless tv show, take as long as I want to finish eating, leave the dishes as long as I feel like it, have a leisurely shower at my convenience, go to bed as early or late as I wish, read any book or magazine whose target audience is not pint-sized or features trucks with big wheels, and eventually fall asleep without having to remember to carry the sleeping child lying next to me back to his own bed.

But I know that the bed will feel empty without Benjamin there. There is something about snuggling with my clean-smelling, Nuggi-suckling, Bello-clutching toddler boy at night time looking at books of his choice and listening to his never-ending babbling of ever-expanding knowledge about various construction equipment.

It will feel strange not feeling the little pudgy footsies touch the small of my back after I turn off the light and try to get my pregnant belly comfy wedged in between several pillows.

I will miss the feeling of a warm little hand reaching for mine so he can fall asleep holding my hand.

And I will miss the flood of relief when I return from carrying a 27 pound kid into his own bed at 11:30 pm-ish. (This fortunately does not happen every night, but it happens often enough that I can honestly say it is one of those catch-22, love-it/dislike-it situations.)

And tomorrow, I will miss hearing the little noises his chubby feet make when he tiptoes to my side of the bed at 7 (ok 6ish) in the morning. I especially will miss that part because he shows up with an armful of stuffed toys (Bello, Imposter Bello, Lamb and Baby Lamb), drops them on "his" side of the bed, walks over to my side, places Imposter Bello in my arms, walks back to the other side, and snuggles up against me until I wake up.

(Imposter Bello is "mommy's Bello", aka "stinky Bello". His Bello is "other Bello" or plain and simple Bello.)

I will miss all of the above.

But not so much that I won't enjoy the peace and quiet tonight will bring. Maybe I won't even do the dishes tonight. I know I'll regret it in the morning but I have no kid to tend to then either.

I'm just too tired tonight to care.

So....good night.